For starters, take a look at yourself. Better yet, take a good, long whiff. Have you bathed recently? If the answer is "yes," then the odor's probably coming from your clothes. The following fashion faux pas are OUT:

Dreadlocks: They just scream, "My head is a terrarium for vermin."

Hackey sacks: We're sorry, but hackey sack is not a sport, it's a declaration that you will be living in your parents' basement, churning out conspiracy-theory 'zines when you're 40. Get in shape by taking up a real sport, like off-road biking, hiking, or heavy drinking.

Grateful Dead T-shirt: Jerry is DEAD. Deal with it.

Colorfully woven Guatemalan blankets worn as a poncho: Only good for showing your empathy for the homeless.

The following, however, are IN:

Cargo pants: You can hide your weed in them.

Second-hand suit and tie: You're gonna be wearing one as soon as you get out of college, so better get used to it. Worn with a skinny tie, with the collar open and the shirttails hanging out.

Corporate Mofo T-shirts: Guaranteed to get you laid.

Anything clean.

2. Location, Location, Location

If you're in college, you've got to plan on meeting women in classes. The thing is, which classes. Do not take Women's Studies classes. Yes, on the pro side, they are full of chicks. On the con side, they are full of chicks who despise you for daring to be the bearer of a penis, and who will reinforce each other's hatred of all things male.

A far better choice is a class on poetry, particularly the Romantics. This can give you the illusion of being deep without having to do much besides quote old Joy Division lyrics. Classes on the environment are even better, since they tend to be full of women who like the outdoors, which means hiking, which means really strong calf muscles.

Just remember: Isolate her from her radical-feminist sisters, and she'll soon forget that men are the Enemy.

3. Conversation

Once you meet your hippiechick, you've got to talk to her. This can require some re-education, since trying to impress her with how devoted you are to the Cause just isn't sexy. Instead of talking about Them, talk about You and Her. For instance:

Not this: "Will I see you at the anti-war protest on Sunday?"
But this: "Want a lift to the protest? I've got a van."

Not this: "I abhor the phallus-centered, patriarchal media. It only serves to reinforce gender stereotypes."
But this: "Would you like to go see Bowling for Columbine?"

Not this: "Pharmaceutical companies are evil. Not only do they market pills as if they're candy, but they deny AIDS treatments to the third world."
But this: "I have weed."

Not this: "I'm an ethical vegetarian. I believe the meat industry contributes to environmental degradation, to say nothing of the animal-rights issues."
But this: "Did you know that semen contains 30 essential vitamins and minerals?"

Not this: "The culture of the Yucatan is so beautiful. Did you know they still speak the ancient Mayan language?"
But this: "You wanna see my Chihuahua?"

4. Transportation

So, you don't have a car. That's OK: Get a bike. Not a skateboard: Skateboards, unless you're Tony Hawk, are for 14-year-old kids. A bike, on the other hand, not only says, "I care about the environment," but also, "I have really toned thigh muscles." Just be sure to get a mountain bike. Street bikes are for pussies.

The problem, of course, is how to get your honey to the Phish concert without any transportation. The answer is, if you can't bum a ride or ride the freedom bus, don't worry about it. After all, if everyone ELSE went to the protest for the weekend, then the two of you are alone, aren't you?

5. Extracurricular activities

Face it, the majority of hooking up at college happens as a result of the confluence of alcohol and opportunity. Whereas you might not be caught dead at a kegger, the equivalent exists for the activist crowd. Consider inviting some fine young ladies over and hotboxing your dorm room.

Half of getting there, though, is not screwing up. Examples: If you cook dinner, do not grill her a nice thick steak. Stick with the tofu. Do not ask her if she ever fed Alka-Seltzer to seagulls. And, for Chrissakes, don't yell "Free Bird!" at an Ani DiFranco concert when the band asks for requests, or you're likely to be ripped limb from limb by angry lesbians.

Good luck!