I
read your piece entitled "Target:
Clitoris" and I was pleasantly surprised by the
open-minded approach your column takes to all things sexual. As
a young, straight male, I'm probably guilty of all the "wrong"
male behaviors described in your linked Koedt
article, though I'll admit to spending much, much more
time going down on my partner than penetrating her. Having accepted
the fact that the clitoris is the center of female pleasure, I was
still surprised by Koedt's claim that the vaginal canal provides
little to no physical pleasure. I would assume that vaginal penetration
at least partially enhances pleasure, if only at a psychological
level, owing to the association between vaginal penetration and
arousal under some circumstances. My question is this: If psychological
pleasure is obtained, how does Koedt explain it, given the fact
that she states that only 14% of women are conscious of penetration?
For to experience even mental pleasure from penentration, one must
be conscious of it. Does Koedt discard entirely Graefenberg's hypothesis
about the "G-Spot", or deny that penetration adds anything
physical to the experience? Speaking from my own experience, and
a few frank conversations about sex with my partner, I really can't
find much common ground with Koedt's explanation of pleasure. Essentially,
while every woman I've gotten in bed with receives the most pleasure
from clitoral stimulation, vaginal penetration enhanced it. Koedt's
explanation of vaginal pleasure as strictly psychological conflicts
directly with her claim that very few women are conscious of it.
How do you explain this?
—Disagree in DC
P.S. I apologize for this being so "dry," but I think
the need to be graphic probably lies more with the answers than
with the questions I've asked.
Let's
analyze this letter: He praises me ("open-minded approach")
whilst taking a swipe at sex advice columnists in general ("surprised").
He criticizes himself ("I'm probably guilty. . .") but
undermines it with false humility ("I'll admit to") in
the course of complimenting himself ("spending much, much more
time going down"), which implies the stereotypical assumption
that his girlfriend prefers oral sex over penetration. Maybe she
lives to have her clit sucked; I'm merely pointing out that it reeks
of an assumption, which is one of the main mistakes both sexes make
in bed. (Can I still say both sexes without getting flamed by a
mob of incensed intersexuals? Eh, fuck it.) Our master of rhetoric
then goes on to identify the clitoris as the "center of female
sexual pleasure." Dude, the brain is the headquarters of sexual
pleasure. Then Professor Disagree launches into a pedantic attack
on a linked article, making sure to quote figures and work in a
reference to previous partners so we know he's not only an intellectual
but a stud muffin to boot. He winds up with a pseudo-apology for
sounding "dry" and not getting "graphic," just
in case we weren't yet convinced of his ivory tower cred. Now, is
this someone with a real question or someone taking an opportunity
to show off? Man, you should go into politics. It's an election
year - the demand for speech writers will be high. I suggest you
submit your CV to the candidate of your choice ASAP.
Ok, now
that I've jerked your chain, I'll address your query. How do I explain
penetrative pleasure? Easy: you're misreading Koedt. Koedt does
not claim that the vagina is completely insensitive (though I have
known a number of insensitive cunts, as well as insensitive dicks),
she says it is, "not a highly sensitive area." Also, she
does not say that women were unaware of being penetrated, rather
unaware of being touched internally in a gynecological setting.
The explanation for this is that about 90% of the nerve endings
in the vagina are located within the first inch or so. A touch on
the inner walls, "Can you here me NOW?"—Oh, wait,
that's Verizon—"Can you feel it NOW?" lightly may
not be discernable but the entrance is full of nerve endings—just
ask anyone who's had a baby (which my neighbor likened to "fitting
a watermelon through a garden hose"). Koedt even describes
the "vestibule of the vagina" as a "sensitive"
area. This is why we like the short, wide weiner better than the
long, skinny member. We can feel it stretching the opening and sliding
in and out but the sensation is muted deeper inside, unless said
cock is banging against the cervix, which some women find very painful
and which can result in nasty scarring—on you that is, from
the nail marks.
Stimulation
of the nerve endings at the door of the luv tunnel ain't nothin'
to sneeze at (unless you happen to enjoy that, in which case I recommend
you equip your bedchamber with pepper). It provides an indirect
link to the clitoris and can enhance stimulation to orgasm. Try
this experiment: while stimulating your girlfriend's clit manually,
stick a finger, dildo, friendly weiner dog or leftover Advent candle
in her vagina and move it around, not so much deeply in and out
as around the introitus. See if it builds a better orgasm. If so,
try having intercourse in positions (e.g. hitch cock's rear window
or you kneeling in front of bed) where you or she can rub her clit
and pull the vaginal opening taut. If it doesn't enhance the experience
for her, hey, BFD. I wouldn't say it was exactly wasted time, would
you? People need to worry less about keeping up with the sexual
Jones. Who cares how you come as long as you're enjoying it.
BTW,
the G-spot isn't really considered a hypothesis anymore. It's about
as certain as OJ's guilt and Bush's
lies that there is a spongy area of tissue in between
the vaginal canal and the urethra that can be sensitive enough to
enhance sexual pleasure and even lead to ejaculation in some women.
As for whether Koedt was familiar with it when she published that
piece in 1970, I haven't a fucking clue. Christopher C. Graefenberg
'discovered' it in 1950 but some claim that the Vikings had found
it 400 years earlier.
My
$.02. My girlfriend has nothing but vaginal orgasms (usually right
on insertion if I've done the whole foreplay thing right). She doesn't
even jack offclitoral-ly (I've seen her do it). For christ-sake,
I'm not even allowed to touch the little guy! After reading your
article, I asked her about it and she said that, while clitoral
stimulation could get her turned on, it almost never got her off.
Also, she found that article you linked to insulting for insinuating
that she was either confused about her plumbing or faking it for
the guy—neither of those are the case.
So,
I don't really know how to conclude—other than saying that
my personal experience directly contradicts what you said and that
I'm interested in hearing more.
—Oren
Does
your girlfriend live near any major research universities? I wouldn't
say that she is confused and I doubt Koedt would either, given that
she is having orgasms with both Oren and Onan, but it sounds like
she is wired a little differently than the norm. It could be that
the nerve ending near her vagina are more sensitive than the clitoral
nerve endings due to her personal design blueprints and, if that's
the case, lucky her being able to come from coitus. You can both
ignore all the sex advice urging men to pay more attention to the
clit and warning them that intercourse alone does not an orgasm
make.
There
is a remote possibility that the nerve endings in her clit were
damaged. Yeah, flamebait, I know. I'm not implying that the reason
your girlfriend's vag is more sensitive than her clit is because
she had a little accident on her bike as a kid but, given the fact
that the clit is usually endowed with the highest concentration
of sensitive nerve endings found anywhere in either sex, it is unusual
that hers isn't all that sensitive and damage or deficiency in the
nerve endings is one possible explanation. A more likely scenario
is that her clit is sooo sensitive that she needs indirect stimulation
to achieve orgasm. I get this idea from your comment that you "aren't
allowed to touch the little guy." If clitoral stimulation were
arousing, but not enough for orgasm, what would be the reason to
declare it off-limits entirely? Are your balls verboten because
touching them, whilst it feels nice, isn't enough to make you cum?
Hypersensitivity is not so unusual; a lot of women work around the
clit, not actually unhooding and touching the head. This would likely
include stimulating the nerves around the introitus.
If your
girlfriend enjoys her fireworks display, who gives a rat's ass how
the fuse is lit. But, if you have a little time on your hands and
a sense of adventure, you might try experimenting with different
ways of stimulating her clit. Again, I stress, if she isn't interested,
there is nothing wrong with the way she gets off, but, if you are
both keen to try new things just for snicks, why not apply fingers,
tongue, feathers, lube or whatever else is handy to her clit from
various angles and with various pressures. Hell, everyone should
try it. It's cheaper than renting a movie next Friday night.
I note
that, unlike our first writer, you didn't feel it necessary to bring
up your experience with other women. So, either you have a big enough
dick that you don't have to list your conquests to feel like a Real
Man or your experience consists of your hand and this one chick.
Either way, I don't give a shit and Disagree wasn't even a particularly
egregious offender. I just can't help but notice how so many of
the letters I get from guys throw in references to the many, many,
did-I-mention-there-were-a-lot, women they have bedded (or carred
or bathroom stalled) even, or especially, when it is extraneous
to the question they are asking. This isn't the Penthouse forum,
guys. Sometimes it's relevant to the question but when it's not,
you're asking for a piss-taking.
Got
a stimulating question? The spot is inandout@corporatemofo.com
In
and Out
is for entertainment purposes only. We are not licensed sex therapists
or certified psychological care providers in any way, shape, or
form—not that you should believe those bozos, anyway. We are,
however, much more amusing.
Posted
March 14, 2004 5:14 PM