—Needy in NC

Did Freud rise from his grave and do the talk show circuit and I missed it? The myth of the vaginal orgasm was debunked by Kinsey, Masters and Johnson and just about every other sexologist on the planet, oh, 'round about the time my grandmother was thinking of gettin' hitched. I don't know where in NC you are, but I'm guessing it ain't the Research Triangle around Chapel Hill. Maybe post-WWII sex info hasn't penetrated into Appalachia yet. If that's the case, NiNC, I'll enlighten you: there is only one type of female orgasm and it originates from stimulation of nerve-endings in the clitoris. Depending on your personal anatomy, vaginal stimulation might create friction that indirectly touches those clitoral nerves. If so, lucky you. But it doesn't mean that you're having a fundamentally different orgasm than when your clit and vibrator spend some quality time together. If you want a dick-induced orgasm get the owner of the dick to rub it on your clit. Try alternating thrusts inside your vagina with strokes across your clit. Or fuck in positions where you (or he) can press the vibrator to your clit or rub it manually. Another tactic is to pull the skin of your vulva taut while you're fucking; this can sometimes get the indirect clitoral stimulation thing going.

More info, mofo? This article will give it to you straight up.

My fiancé wants me to be more dominant in bed. He is a true submissive, but I also have some submissive tendencies. I have been slightly dominant once and he loved it. He has told me that I haven't hurt him too much yet. The problem is, I am not as experienced at sex as he is and don't know what to do. How can I be more dominant and what are some ideas that I could use at some later date? I really wish to make him happy in bed and I also enjoy being somewhat dominant, but like I said, I don't know what to do. Please help me.

—Audrey

A submissive dating a submissive? Reminds me of a joke my high school girlfriend used to tell: A sadist is dating a masochist. The masochist says, "Beat me!" The sadist says, "No." If you're basically dominant but like to be submissive once in awhile (hey, variety is good), you'll have to persuade your "true submissive" fiancé to play dom on occasion. If he refuses, then I would put some thought into whether he deserves to advance from fiancé to husband. You want to make him happy in bed, great, but it should work both ways.

As for ideas on how you can be more dom, this is the equivalent of an RTFM problem in the tech world. You say that he is experienced and enjoyed your one shot at dominance so, why don't you ask HIM what he'd like you to do. Maybe he likes being tied up or walked on or ordered around or slapped and spanked. How the hell am I supposed to know? You think I had sex with him? Dominance is not one-size-fits-all. The guy who likes being restrained might not get off on being your groveling sex slave (for obvious reasons). If he's no help, ("Duh, I dunno, just, uh, dominate me"), here are a few how-to dom manuals you can peruse for ideas: Amazon Dom List. Check back for reviews, they'll be going up as I find the time between beatings.

I just finished reading Mistress Rowena Lays Down the Law. . . is it just me, or does the language used in this article exclude women from crossing those very same lines? At the same time, does it seem to you, as it does to me, that this article, though perhaps not intentionally, seems to categorize all those deal-breakers as exclusively male behavior? Though I can't object to the genetic pre-determination bit, I've yet to hear a woman make the same claim.

As a man (if I can so be called), I also feel the pressures of a society with very narrow beauty standards. I'd claim I feel them as strongly as most women, but I have no way of knowing that. All I know is that, even though the typical "beautiful" man looks like he spends about 90% of his waking hours in a gym, he still looks like he spends the other 10% doing the same thing the typical "beautiful" woman does: not eating a damn thing, save the occasional creatine/protein/steroid/viagra smoothie.

And since you bring up breast "augmentations," I feel the need to bring up a delicate matter for most men, the penis. Much in the same way a woman in a D cup can be made to feel, shall we say, inadequate, even the proudest trouser snake can be dwarfed by some of the men in those pornos we men are said to revere so much.

A far as flirting/cheating/swinging. . . Some men are guilty, so are some women. It works both ways.

What it comes down to is exactly what your article demands: respect. While I do agree that everything mentioned in your article is definitely grounds for dismissal, I simply can't abide by that behavior being classified as the behavior of men, not exclusively anyway. If you simply wrote the article from your perspective, having not consciously made an effort to understand the pressures men face as well, then I apologize. I realize now that this correspondence is also exclusionary, it is written from a heterosexual male perspective, giving no thought to the gamut of genders and sexual lifestyles that abound. None except the preceding anyway, and even then, it was only to hang a light on the irony of this entire email.

—Jabba the Hut

You think it was a heterosexist piece? You're right; Jabba, it was, and deliberately so. Yes, men feel societal pressure to sport six-pack abs and a 12-inch cock. Sure, women flirt and cheat and try to talk their monogamous men into swinging. But it just ain't in the same league. The issue I was addressing was the impact of porno chic on men's sexual expectations. Without making any absolutist claims that no women behave like that, I was addressing a cultural phenomenon that primarily drives men's behaviour and women's responses to it. For every Mickey Rouke who gets cheek implants, 1,000 women get boob jobs. Women watch porn in ever increasing numbers but most of the guys in porn, in case you haven't noticed, are fugly. (They're often old and fat, to boot.) Some have the big, shaved units and certainly there are women out there saying, "Honey, I want you to shave your balls like Ron Jeremy" but such women constitute a tiny minority compared to the number of guys who expect shaved pussies.