I was
watching the TV above the counter at a local diner the other day,
which has become my last remaining source of mass-media intake.
Some banal morning show was airing a segment about all the new entertainment
gadgets which are now available for cars, featuring some guy from
an e-business called coolshit.com or something like that.
The first toy was an MP3 player which holds (honestly and no lie)
1,000 hours of music in its on-board memory. Jane Soccermom will
never lack for distractions again as she precariously pilots her
Navigator whilst simultaneously searching the tiny LCD screen for
"You Light Up My Life" amongst the other 20,000 or so
songs stored in the player's memory. When she ploughs her brand
new land-yacht right through the storefront of her favorite chain
coffee bar, killing herself and everyone inside, even the police
will be smart enough to figure out how it happened when they see
the blue glow of the MP3 player's display winking out from inside
the wreckage.
Now that's crashing in style.
Next
up is a DVD player with a 6" or so LCD screen, like the kind
they have on airplanes. This handy little gadget is great for keeping
the kids quietly stupefied in the back seat on those long, boring
family trips. And even Dad can enjoy the distractions- I'm sure
he'll just love war movies with loud explosions at unpredictable
times, or movies with car-chase scenes, complete with screeching
tires and wailing sirens. "It's about improving the Driving
Experience for everybody," insists Mr. Coolshit. Everybody,
that is, except the poor bastard that Dad rams into while he's busy
fiddling with his gadgets.
Einstein
once said that no problem can be solved at the same level of consciousness
which created the problem, and I think we have a perfect example
of that here. Why do you suppose that drivers feel that the Driving
Experience is sufficiently lacking that they require additional
sensory stimulation just to be able to stand it? Can it be because
there is, in fact, no experience inherent to the so-called Driving
Experience?
The automobile
is, in point of fact, designed to remove any experiential aspect
by insulating the occupants from all sensory input. In the modern
automobile, the occupants are carefully sheltered from any discomfort
by windshields, roofs, air conditioning systems and soundproof body
panels. You are, in fact, hermetically sealed in a box which is
not entirely unlike a coffin with wheels, inching miserably along
in a row of others who are similarly sealed in their own rolling
coffins. Since the problem was created by technology, is it not
logical to surmise that the solution might be the removal of technology?
Would the kids require additional sensory stimulation if they were
traveling by motorcycle? Or on horseback? Or even on foot through
the woods?
In case
you didn't already know it, life begins when you turn the gadgets
off. Life begins when you leave the office. Life begins when you
throw out your Dockers. There is no gadget on earth which will make
your drive to work a pleasurable experience. Blowing your entire
roll on coolshit.com will not change this. Neither will any amount
of televisual stupefaction add meaning to an essentially hollow
experience. But of course, if you're reading this, you already know
that. So what are you still doing on the computer? Spring is here!
Turn the fucking thing off already, and go outside.
Ride
forever,
Rev.
J