MOSES
Pharaoh! The Almighty has spoken to me on the mountain, and
he has given me a message! Too long have we labored for you,
building pyramids. Too long have we suffered under the lash!
Too long have we worked without reward! Pharaoh, pay my people
a living wage!
PHARAOH
What are you, some kind of union organizer?
MOSES
No! I
am a prophet! See? I can turn my staff into a snake!
PHARAOH
But can
your God provide low everyday prices?
MOSES
Er. . .
PHARAOH
I thought
not. Let me get this straight. You people come here illegally,
we give you jobs, albeit ones that no self-respecting trailer-trash
Egyptian would touch, and now you want to be paid for them?
MOSES
Look,
all we're asking for is enough money for a nice hut in the
Land of Goshen, some sort of retirement savings, send our
kids to Memphis University, maybe a vacation in Ethiopia once
a year. And the working conditions! Thirty thousand guys I
have laboring on the Great Pyramid, and then because their
taskmaster decides to cut corners on the limestone contracting,
it buries half of them alive. And the taskmaster? They made
him a Priest of the Dead for his "excellence in sacrificing
to the gods"!
PHARAOH
Really,
Moses, I'd love to help you, but instituting health and safety
regulations would make the whole system fall apart.
MOSES
What the
fuck are you talking about?
PHARAOH
Well,
we have a duty to provide maximum profit for our investors.
That pyramid contract was worth twenty million talents of
silver. If the Phoenicians or Moabites can do it cheaper,
we lose the contract, they pull out all their money, our stock
plummets and then what happens? You're all out of jobs! Me,
do I suffer? Hello, no! I'm the Pharaoh! First thing that
happens, before they liquidate the assets, I get five million
talents. I even get to keep this palace and these slave girls!
MOSES
There should be a law!
PHARAOH
No one with a brain in their head would pass such a thing!
Haven't you ever heard of the "invisible hand of the
market"?
MOSES
Is that one of your heathen gods? I only believe in the One
God, the Eternal, who spoke to me from a burning bush. . .
PHARAOH
My god only has one Commandment. It goes like this: "If
thou shalt fuck with the rich guy's ability to make more money,
then I shall smite your land with dire but unnamed consequences."
MOSES
And I suppose you have some holy writings to support this?
PHARAOH
Indeed we do. It's called The Wealth of Nations, by
Adam Smith.
MOSES
That's the dumbest religion I've ever heard of, basing a whole
system of belief on a book by some dead guy.
PHARAOH
Ahem?
Look who's talking.
MOSES
Fine, screw you buddy. We'll go on strike.
PHARAOH
Moses, if you all don't report to work on Monday, I'm afraid
I'm going to have to let your people go.
MOSES
Fine. To hell with all of this. We're leaving.
PHARAOH
Hey, I won't go chasing after you with chariots. The Hittites
or Ethiopians would love to have your jobs. Go starve in the
desert for all I care. And take the snake with you.
MOSES
We won't starve! The Almighty will provide manna for us!
GOD
Uh, I'm sorry, Moses, I hate to break this to you, but we're
instituting what's called a "right-to-work" program.
. .