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Ten Things the Government Can Do With Our "Tax Rebates"


by Tristan Trout



Faced with an economy that's been fucked three ways to Sunday, the geniuses inside the Beltway decided that, rather than admitting that the housing market's overdose of laissez-faire was the problem, opted for bread and circuses (or at least frozen pizza and American Gladiators). As we may remember, tax rebates proved a genius idea and had a huge effect of the economy last time they went out. If you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day; if you give him some dynamite and a well-stocked trout pond, he'll feed his whole freaking family. Therefore, rather than funneling this paltry sum of $150 billion directly into the local gas stations, Costcos, and Wal*Marts of the 117 million households that will be receiving $300 to $1200-plus-$300-for-each child, here's ten New Dealish things the government could do that would ultimately result in greater benefits than direct checks:

1.) Forgive some student loans or set up some scholarships so that college isn't a ball-busting expense for the middle class.

2.) Revamp the VA system so that the soldiers who got blown up to protect our oil or democracy or whatever they're allegedly doing in Iraq are properly taken care of.

3.) For that matter, try health care for all of us. I think most people will spend a great deal more than $1200 on health care this year, if you count what they take out of their wages.

4.) Wasn't Social Security in trouble? Shouldn't we bail that out?

5.) Alternative energy research. In particular, the Aperture Science Handheld Portal Device needs to be invented.

6.) Give air traffic controllers and other federal employees raises, so they're not living on the edge of poverty. I can't believe the air-traffic controller wage freeze hasn't received more attention. I, personally, don't want my air travel directed by the lowest bidder.

7.) Men in the inner cities need jobs.

8.) Take over the mortgages of people who got screwed in the home-buying frenzy and make them pay them at a reasonable rate.

9.) Education. Remember that?

10.) Extend unemployment eligibility.

Oh, and my dear Republican party: Unemployment benefits, food stamps, and infrastructure projects are not "extraneous spending." They're why we have a government in the first place.


Tristan wants his money, bee-yotch

Posted January 24, 2008 9:20 PM




Just about every one of these ten suggestions will do nothing more than encourage folks to become more reliant upon the government for things they believe they "deserve". You're encouraging a culture of victimhood that will not heal itself. Rather, give folks their money and let them do what they feel best. If they decide to piss it all away on liquor and gambling, so be it, but don't come back with ANOTHER open hand looking for more.

Posted by: Mofomofo at February 23, 2008 3:24 PM

1) In effect, a subsidy. More college subsidies just lead to higher tuition. 2) There's already enough money in the military system to do this. 3) Agreed, but health care for all could be paid for by eliminating things like the Dept of Education, $80 billion a year. 4) Social Security is a Ponzi scheme, and should be ended. 5) If alternative energy is really that great, private money would be pouring into it. We need a nuclear power program like France's. 6) The average civilian Federal employee makes more than $100,000 a year. Air traffic controllers make a ton of money. 7) Yes they thru Detroit or south Chicago and you'll see the impact of the end of America's manufacturing dominance coupled with 350 years of racism. 8) Those people got "screwed" cause they were greedy. Why should I pay for someone else's muck-up ? 9) Yes, I remember the bloated expensive American education system which produces 5x more bachelor degrees each year than the economy really can make use of. 10) Can't do that indefinitely. Americans will have to get used to a lower standard of living. This is perfectly cyclical and expected, because America's enormous advantage after World War II - being the only major industrial power not bombed to smithereens - ended a generation ago, in the 60's. Since then the Social Security Ponzi scheme and other Big Government programs and the fraud in the finance industry have bankrupted the country. So everyone will have to make do with less. As for your last comment, the current Republican president is the Biggest Spender in the history of the US, so what are you even talking about ? And if by Infrastructure Projects you mean things like The Bridge To Nowhere and taxpayer-funded football stadiums, you really have no credibility left, you are too weak to even type I'm betting.

Posted by: Gene at January 4, 2009 4:25 PM



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